If you’ve followed my blog and Facebook, you know I enjoy to post things as I’m inspired.
I’m sure this may have been motivating at times, overwhelming at others, or sometimes even non-existent.
What you don’t know, is the conscious calculations that I put in place to protect myself before every share…
“Does this article expose just enough, but not too much so that I can be judged?”
“Does this post show I’m vulnerable, just not currently a victim to that vulnerability?”
“Am I authentic enough I can relate to people but they still feel I am certain in where I’m going in life?”
It’s easy to post when the good stuff is coming to me; but it seemingly impossible to do when the day is shit.
You see, I actually wanted to share what I’m sharing with you here in a YouTube video. I know that I have a lot to offer in what I’ve been learning, yet I can’t seem to have the courage to face the camera. And I know that I just need to “do it” and that there’s “nothing to fear” but here we are – this post is in writing. I could tell you I express myself better in writing, which technically is true, but what I’d usually leave out is that I’m scared shitless of making the video.
It’s all well and good to tell you that the past few months have been extremely difficult when it comes to my mental health and I’m better now. But ain’t so fun to tell you that the challenges still continue on.
It would be amazing to proclaim I’ve found closure and moved on from an important relationship, but a lot harder to let you know that the pain still stings and lingers on.
“After the fact” is a breeze, but “in the trenches” is taboo.
Let’s be honest… how real are we really being with each other?
We live in a culture where we claim to use Facebook to connect, but actually we use it to showcase.
We show the world our best selfies, our greatest achievements, and opinions that paint us in the light of being ‘right’, and while this is all well and good – what about the other side of the conversation?
Being honest with ourselves is hard, and sharing that honesty with others is even harder.
The moment you’re vulnerable is the moment you open yourself up to getting hurt – but what we don’t realize is that it’s also the only way we can truly be fulfilled.
In exposing our weaknesses we find our strength, yet we’ve been trained to believe that any form of weakness sets us back. So we push, force and fake it until we make it… but make what? A giant facade that reflects a incomplete, empathy-drained view of reality, which is merely just a fantasy.
I’m not here to tell you what you should do – because let’s face it, you are always going to do what you want to do.
All I hope I do is help you see a perspective that gets glossed over far too frequently.
To hopefully inspire one of you, any of you, reading this that it’s ok to drop the emotional barrier you’ve been guarding and re-building stronger all these years. That you can have confidence everyone has been, can been and will be hurt, and that by hiding that pain doesn’t make you any more powerful. In admitting when you’re down doesn’t make you any less of a person, but actually more whole of one. In opening your heart to someone, you don’t have to create a wall and love them less to ‘get over’ them. That you can move through the emotions instead of running or distracting yourself from them. That it’s ok to feel lonely, depressed, sad, angry, bad, hateful, vengeful, and suppressing those emotions or trying to ‘psych yourself out of them’ only makes them stronger.
I’ll be the first to admit, it’s not easy. And also be the first to advocate, since when is anything that’s easy, worthwhile?
When you push yourself into your vulnerability, and through it both in private reflection and social interaction, you will learn, connect and grow so much more than you’ve ever imagined.
You might not come out the other side perfect, but I promise you that you will be whole.
And that my friends, is what I believe life was meant for.