Year after year, it’s been the same shit, different goal.
I promise myself to do all these things that will make me different… better.
Better than what? Than who? What does that even mean? How could you even know if you’re ever there if every better reached is clouded by another better set?
It’s a cycle of chasing… reaching… wanting… dying…
Take a moment to really ponder this idea. This whole idea of setting resolutions. Ask yourself if it really ever works? I don’t mean by the short term dopamine hit you get in achieving it, but rather where it actually takes you?
Where are you in this chase of a ‘better you’? If it’s always somewhere out there, then what’s the point of right here… now?
Imagine you are in a giant cloud. As you sit in that cloud, you look around and see all these potential realities for you to exist. Which one would you choose?
You’d probably be overwhelmed by the options and ultimately too scared to choose. However, say you were forced to choose – which would you? My guess is you’d choose the one that allowed you to avoid anything that you perceived to be painful… anything that contained fear. You would choose it – go into it – and do whatever it takes to keep it the way it is, and when the wind picked up and blew things around you would scrounge to keep it in order… but alas, to no avail. With the fear approaching quickly on the horizon, as you see it, you jump back into the cloud and quickly look for the next reality that fear away. Your whole life, spent ducking… ditching.. and avoiding fear.
Then one day you think to yourself – So I’m able to choose any reality I want when I’m here in the cloud, but for some strange reason I keep choosing from the plethora of options that keep me away from fear? But I wonder what’s beyond fear? I wonder what would happen if I choose what I wanted – because I wanted it… and not a reality in which keeps me from facing the pain in not getting it?
You wake up. You become aware.
You spend the rest of your life realizing that where you are… in this very moment… was the best choice you could make and the closest to what you want.. for that moment.. knowing that after the experience it will be time to jump back in the cloud and choose what you want next.
Go through what you need to get to a place of choosing only what you want. Be resolute to this.